PAZZI LAZZI’s year-beginning message to the nation and the rest of the world
(and a special report to the deunified networks)
“The end of the year is never a moment to celebrate,” says the old pompous trombone, the hoary old politician, and the old merchant every December 31st, ever tired of giving way to new generations. Truth be told, they don’t actually say this but they are thinking it. Every New Year’s, they hope that they will become immortal, wealthier, that they can eat to their heart’s content, and will be surrounded by nubile lovers that are younger and younger.
This is the discovery that the Pazzi Lazzi Troupe has made, by finding a valuable secret document in Italian that today we would like to make public. We had thought about tipping off to Wikileaks, or some other journalists. However, the fact that we represent the small percentage of the brain-drain of talented artists who have gone from this side of the ocean to other stages that will satisfy our desires and our bellies, we did not feel it right to give the scene to other comedians. It was a hard work of espionage. Our Zanni worked liked hounds, sniffing clues, sifting through falsified documents and verifying others. And here it is: the document that reveals the most intricate plots this year, which we are positing as a message at the end of 2013 and that the Pazzi Lazzi Troupe would like to communicate in a speech to the deunified networks.
Why deunified? We don’t even know what this means, to be honest. But like all our discoveries, including pranks and jokes, these plots of the deunified networks are always closer to the truth.
Boston, Massachusetts – December 31, 2013
Dear Americans, with a trembling hand I write these few lines in the hope that someone will read them, hopefully someone not found among the dives that I spent time in recent years, nor among the noble palaces that I haunted night after night to gather money from the wealthy few. Too dangerous: everyone could tamper with it to their own desire to
communicate its truth. For this reason, I leave it on stage: I trust only actors, who are the only ones who can communicate, pretending to understand what I saw and heard.
If only I knew at this time that some drifting company actor found it, I would write more boldly. If instead someone spied on me, telling me that this page will be sent to the court of I-know-who… ah, I don’t even want to think about it!
So I’ll go for it. I would like to reveal the secrets of a handful of characters that I have known from a trip to Italy, which lasted about 30 years. These are important people.
I met a girl named Colombina who had a very particular job: to not reach the end of the month! I had the opportunity to see this unfortunate, precarious woman in action once she was disguised as a General of the Armed Forces in the July 4th parade. I thought she did it in order to make ends meet, but instead it was to woo her lover her very own
boyfriend, a pizza-making soldier Pulcinella, to convince the lover to go on a cruise with her. I don’t remember the name of the ship, but I remember that she mentioned the captain. I think his name Scattino, or Scuttone or Scuttino …
She is the source of the following secrets that I am sharing directly with you. She was the cleaning lady paid by Italian gangs which plague the “Bel Paese.”
The noblewoman Lady Flaminia Von Kennedy Lewinsky, that the whole world knows at the court of the magnate of Biglawn Phlebotomy Fabrics, also famous for the exportation even of prosciutto in America, in reality continually exhibits her jewelry to her lovers. Soon she will be a candidate for the political elections and all of the ballots will be tampered with. The plot has been orchestrated by her followers.
The merchant Pantalone Sbirrusconi dreams every night, or should we say has nightmares, that all of his safes open as if they were made of butter. This is because each time, a guy named Arlecchino, a friend of Colombina, tries to steal the proceeds of illegal betting ring that was created by the cunning Sbirrusconi.
Professor Albert BeerBelly is from Bologna. He is the famous dinosaur that played the part of himself in the movie “The Best of Youth” stating he is not only powerless but also impotent. He didn’t retired only because he would have left his position as a university professor to his son who graduated with the lowest grades. Here is the documented proof:
I hope these three truths are represented in a scene in another language, so that this shame may be known abroad as well.
I leave this paper inside the slot of the prompt box. I am fully aware that the best stage whisper, the best talking cricket, as the prompter, could be the voting public applauding the scenes.